3 days. My conversation with Scout.

Our lil'st gent, Scout, has been asking many questions of death and dying these past few weeks... not abnormal..to me anyway. I welcome these conversations,  some may disagree... For us, our family, it is just another opportunity to speak truth of the gospel into our gents lives...

Now.. if this were several years ago I would be dwelling on the conversatitons of death.. allowing the anxiety of this consume me and capture my being...as I would be preparing to grieve, once more...

BUT today I celebrate the freedom in Christ not afraid of death by remembering this is not our home..

So this brings me to Scout and I's conversation today...

Scout:"Mama, we won't be here in 3 days"

me: "Oh, where are we going?"

Scout: "Me and You are going to die in 3 days.."

Me: "Well, where did this come from?"

Scout: "Jesus told me that."

Me: "Well buddy, we better make sure we are ready! I cannot wait to see Jesus face to face.."

Scout: " Yea, me too!"

.....it was yet, another gentle reminder that "we are en route to Heaven"  and we are to be preparing our hearts to see Jesus face to face...

 I close this up with a thankful heart and a renewed vision of this life being a simple vapor...my troubles are "mere troubles" and my hurts are "mere hurts" and He, the one we are waiting for, HE is faithful and good...may I travel strong and love well...

" But our citizenship is in heaven and I eagerly wait a Savior from there, Jesus Christ."

Phil. 3v20

Thankful,

Chele

Waiting...

Lord, may I be certain of seeing Your goodness come to pass in my current situation, whether in triumph & victory or in loss & turmoil, as I experience Your mighty supply of grace & power sustaining me. Because of Your Spirits life at work in me, I will wait for You, Lord, courageous and with a strong heart, I will wait on You.-- Psalm 27v13-14 (emphasis)

     Our journey has seemed, full. Far in distance. Dark. Curvy. Bumpy.Sunny.Steep.Confusing.Overwhelming.Lonely.Life filled.Joyful.Full of Grace. Yet always seemed in the state of constant waiting...

    

    I feel like I am in constant waiting on the Lord. And remembering that in the original text "to wait" means "to cling to"... As I process this...it is becoming a bit more clearer...we are always in a state of waiting. In big picture we are waiting to see our Father face to face. And as we wait for this, in the here and now, we are to know Him and to make His kingdom known. So as our journey continues we will be in a state of constant waiting... we will be clinging to Him because He is why we Live. Why we take our next breath,our next steps. 

    I am learning that I am in complete dependence on Him... Mr. Chambers has said it well " the more we trust God the less we trust ourselves." I am capable of failing. But He who promised His goodness is faithful..and trust worthy. 

    I will wait for the Lord, courageous and with a strong heart..for Your ways are greater than mine. And your thoughts surpass them all. I will wait in expectancy. For Your love,O Lord, is better than life.

Do I truly know my Rescuer?

A stormy spring morning. Good cup of French Press. John and writing.. O, how I have missed you.

As I have been studying Jesus' last days on earth, my heart has been overwhelmed. Here has been a glimpse of my journey this week leading up to the celebration of His resurrection.

John  14v1-14

Jesus had just sat with His disciples, comforting them as He is telling them that He is leaving and where He is going they cannot follow. I can imagine the troubled hearts. The questions that were flooding their souls...not understanding why they couldn't go with Him. As they sift through understanding, a few asked them to Jesus himself.

 ¹ “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. ² My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? ³ And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. ⁴ You know the way to the place where I am going.”

Wait up a minute before I move on- can you imagine to seriously being able to look Jesus in the eyes and ask Him the questions that ponder your hearts...face to face. I love the hope we are left with...one day.  One day soon my friends, we will experience Him face to face. Ha! Joy floods my heart when I think of this.

Jesus is now explaining to His disciples the Way to the Father

 ⁵ Thomas said to him, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?”  ⁶ Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. ⁷ If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.”

Jesus' response was very clear...as I study this I am asking myself the same thing I assume Thomas found himself asking " Do I really know Him?"

⁸ Philip said, “Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us. ⁹ Jesus answered: “Don’t you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’?

Jesus' heart must continue to ache in frustration as He is responding to these men, His friends, who have been with him day after day. Night after night. Tasting and seeing the goodness of Him and they STILL DON'T GET IT!

¹⁰ Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you I do not speak on my own authority. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work. ¹¹ Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the works themselves.

I am imagining sitting there with Jesus as he continues to answer Philip.  I'm imagining the pain filling His heart as He is telling Philip " Believe ME! Believe my words or at the very least believe because you have lived life with me and have seen with your very eyes!" (emph. mine) 

These men have experienced healing, transformation. restoration, fulfilled prophesy..experiencing Jesus face to face...and they still are battling to believe that Jesus is who He says He is. We have experienced in a sense, much of what the disciples had experienced in their own hearts.

   

As I have been studying this particualr scripture and the question that Jesus asked these friends He is asking us. "Chele, don't you know Me?" The brokeness that I have experienced when deeply looking into the depths of my soul...

    Do I truly know the One that spared my life from bullets 12 years ago and brought new life in the midst of grief and suffering?  Do I know the One who has given me the gift of a husband who is the most loving and gracious human I have known and two lil gents that capture my heart each time I look into their eyes?  Do I know the One who had brought healing to our 2 y.o.'s little body? Do I know the One who has been our provider?  The One who has been my wonderful counselor? The One who has been my dear friend? The One who has been my peace and comfort? The One who has brought restoration to my marriage?  Do I know the One who has mended broken relationships? Who has answered my cries out to Him? Do I know the One who knows everything about me? The One who suffered in my name?

Do I truly know my Rescuer?

I have fallen on my knees as I remember the goodness of my Jesus. He has rescued us! One day, we will see Him face to face..until then I will seek to know my Rescuer in hope that the day our eyes meet, there will be little difference because I will truly KNOW the One, who is who He says He is.

a sweet moment..

She comes running out of the bathroom as she just finished her bath at " Papa's house" with her big brown eyes, chubby cheeks and dark crazy hair that sticks up everywhere! Imagine the cutest lil' thing you've ever set your eyes on... yep! That's my sweet niece...that I am deeply obsessed with!

Her mama sees her running and says "girl! you've got some lion hair goin' on!

Papa (our dad)  then scoops my niece up and holds her tightly saying "At Papa's house, you can let your hair loose. You can be you and it is all good. No bows or dresses required. You are who I want you to be."

When my sister was telling me this story, so simple and could have easily been missed...our hearts welled up and tears streamed our faces... "isn't this so true of God?" we said.

"How all God wants from us is us. Nothing more and nothing less."

We don't have to get all "dolled up" to be with him... He just wants us to respond to His invitation as we see how desperate we truly are for Him.

Many places along my journey I have struggled and struggle with this need for perfection. Whether it being my appearance or in relationships, or a role I have in life...and if I don't meet these expectations then I feel that I have failed myself or others.  This need for perfection funnels into my relationship with God..these lies of perfection build this prison around my heart that keeps me form truly experiencing the Truth. The Truth that screams FREEDOM which only rests in the presence of our Savior.  My journey continues as I have "tasted and seen"... and this is where I want to be all the days of my life.

In our "Father's House" we can let our hair loose. No bows or dresses required. All He wants from us is simply, all of us." 

This is good stuff my friends...good stuff.

*thanks sis for sharing with me this sweet moment.

His love is...perfect.

June 17, 2006 I experienced the closest understanding of love that I have ever had to Gods love for me...I gave birth to our first son.  My heart submerged with a love that words always seem pointless to begin describing because there are no words... a love that would be unconditional.. as uncondtional a love that an imperfect mama could pour out... A love that when thought of drenches my face in tears of joy... my sweet obsession...my sweet son... a gift.

Since following Christ I had never struggled with God's authority or sovereignty or even forgiveness... The struggle has come to not grasping His love for me. I am one to never take things, people, words, whatever it may be, at face value. I always dig and dig deeper to understand. To make of it my own. I would say this has been a blessing and a curse as I have journeyed my journey thus far... always leaving with questions and wrestling with frustration, constantly.

When it has come to the greatest heart wrenching journey questions overwhelmingly flood my mind and heart... not understanding God's love me... broken, messy, unfaithful to Him, breaking His heart over and over... and His love has and will NEVER change for me?"  I don't get it?  I cannot wrap my intelligence around it. That had become the problem... I have tried to comprehend a love that cannot be comprehended by human mind...perhaps that's the miracle in itself...The miracles of God that never will make sense but are true and always a gift.

May 11, 2008 I gave birth to our second son. I, as many other mothers questioned "how can I love this next child as deeply as I already love the one I am holding?" It's indescribable.  I love this 'lil gent, as I call him, to the same depth that I do our first son... it's the miraculous love...one our head and our hearts will never grasp but can feel. And see. Its true and always a gift.

So the days I get stuck. Feeling I cannot move forward in today... I look across the room at my two 'lil gents and overflow in deep affection, this ferocious, this tenacious love that submerges me into this sea of joy and I pause.. and remember My father in Heaven feels the same way about me, His daughter...the difference is that His love is perfect because He is perfect.  

Today,  let us remember His ferocious love is chasing after us...receiving it by grace and mercy...now, let this be enough.

My heart overflowith.